well... that kind of SUPER sian-ness hits again.

@#$@#%%%@...

because i LET MY THOUGHTS RUN WILD again.
u know those negative thoughts that can only occur only when u ALLOW (yes allow) them in when u start to entertain those thoughts. Particularly, the 'Let your feeling rule ur head' kind.
How destructive even just for that second.
sucks.

Very long nv had that FEELing
To think i allow the emo bubble lingering around me for a few hours before realizing it.
Make me emo over nothing
Realize it only when i burst it with my heavenly Father's reassuring WORDs (sWORD.. yes it pierce like sword as well) and the reminder Lord has alr helped me OVERCOME THIS PHASE
I hope next time i detect it earlier to correct my thoughts or DUN EVEN ENTERTAIN those thoughts at all by screaming JESUS's name out loud!

JJJJJEEESSSSSSUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!...
yep the louder the better ;)

Saw an old mtv in campus crusade today.
How non-christians see christians?
Apathetic? judgemental? like to hang out within themselves only?
how hard it is to be the christian shown in 4:00 to 4:14.. but not impossible

Does anybody hear her? -casting crowns

found some webbieee and share someee useful ones

Simpsonize yourself!
cuteeeeeee...(cute is a subjective word)
Upload ur pic to make a simpsons character
http://simpsonizeme.com/

Substitute head to dancee
http://sendables.jibjab.com/category/dances

Lazy Photoshop effects with a click.
http://www.befunky.com
http://www.instantizer.com/index.php/pictures/upload
http://bighugelabs.com/jigsaw.php
Quality of course can't be compared to trained photoshop skills
but it's convenientttt



and lastly secret 'recipe' of missionfest air ticket revealed
http://omatic.musicairport.com/

Today during bible study, jess was still asking can we remb our first love for GOD?
hmm.... i need to type down in case i forget

When i was still in jc, est brought me to CCR and the first sermon by Pastor Aaron struck a chord in my heart. I heard the things i wanted to hear and the questions i had before i came to CCR was partially addressed. The Word just have this special charm enough to lure me to come week after week to hear what was it store for me to learn.Never mind if i do not know anyone in church (AWKWARD-ness!) or est 'pang-seh'(haha) me and left me ALONE to eat lunch with this group of SUPER QUIET micah gals which i had problems communicating with and have nothing in common to talk. I know they ask me for lunch out of obligation and i feel out of place as well. I know it's definitely not friendship that makes me wanna come CCR. Perhaps socialising was in fact one of the barriers preventing me from coming to church at that time. I wish i could head home straight away after each service. But still i will come for the sermons and karen's cell because practically every week i REALLY learn stuff and i was super happy AT THAT TIME.

It was called 'first love'.

Ask me about homosexuality,cohabitation,premarital sex or related stuff before i met my 'first love', i will tell you i think it's definitely fine for me and even fine for me or others to practice it, not much of a big deal--People are free to choose what they want, why must be so CONTROLLING? Well that's what the world is preaching anyway, dun be a square.

Now different and how glad i am. I dunno how i found you but i'm glad i did... ay wait i think you are the one who make me found you and had it all planned out according to ur plan..so sweeeettt:)

Then after a few years, friendship made among Micah gals starts to deepen. The 'learning' which i had been looking forward every week has also gradually come to a bottleneck. This is definitely the case since the rate of what i'm learning now will be comparatively lesser to what i was learning then. I was challenged into taking up leadership position-cell leader. Responsibility and involvement in CCR increases. More distracions.. and more doings...

The desire to know God and His word decreases and i can feel it.
The 'passionate love' fades out...
Perhaps even the main reason for coming church was out of guilt or me having to fulfill cell leaders' role to facilitate and stuff. Not so much of a STRONG desire to hear about God's Word. OR maybe it was also complaceny like 'aiya, think i hear this sermon/topic alot of times alr' or maybe 'aiya i know this la, easy to preach but hard to apply to life what', or 'ay God i have this problem, can u help me solve this and that, reveal to me! all about ME ME AND ME'

Nothing related to becoz i want to know God.

It was another round of cries and prayer that brought about the revival in stagnant of walk in christ. Roller-coaster had a whole new meaning to me because it describe my spiritual life then.

After.... i dunno what i've been thru but somehow God has helped me but can't remb coz i never journal them down out of laziness and taking things for granted ( SEE! the characteristics of forgetful Israelites)

I realised it was another stage of love
i need constant self-reminders, prayers and realization of how unworthy i was and how much God has done all these years to love Him keeping in mind that my level of love can never ever match up with the love He had for me. Yes constant reminders; well coz we are still humans with sinful nature-- complaceny comes super duper easily like how a ball will still return to the ground no matter how high u throw in the sky becoz of gravity (eg.sin) Until the day it is brought out of earth into outer space (eg heaven) when there's no more gravity. (sigh physics...)
The relationships built all over the years with Him playing many roles in my life-Father,teacher,soulmate,encourager,companion.... gives me a heartfelt gratitude for Him

You know at the start (apply to gals more?) when u are in love u need the presence and the affirmative words of the other person to remind you that he loves you.. but as you know the person more and more and how much you all had been thru, you are very secure in the r/s with all the memories (hopefully more good ones than bad ones)

Miraculously God gives the security needed in the relationship even though i can't see Him physically as His Word and Holy Spirit has without fail time and again proven His love for all and has vouch for His own promises and character.
But its easy to be back to square one again if we turn complacent.
Always realign back to him and pour out all your woes and bitterness to Him and He will restore you.

i'm super tired now but suddenly just has this urge to type this super duper long entry and tmr is a super duper long day... may the good Lord sustain the super duper tired meeee..

Recess week le!
Awwww and i'm soooo not looking forward to it because there's string attached to it.
But better than nothing la 'mai hiam'... use my super duper shorrrtt time super supper WISELYYYY!
Last Youth Alpha session tmr ... JIA YOU!
ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hahaha.. i hope i am not so PRO until to this kind of extent!

I dunno if that's the way it is.
Because i really dunno what is in store.
No direct instructions from human beings or God.

Should i just do something,
Or better still juz do nothing.

Maybe whatever the actions A,B,C,D,E,F,G ...
without the root reason recognized & tackled,
it doesn't matter anyway because eventually,
everything will still result in the same thing after all?

If u dun know how bad preparing lab report is...
well a picture speaks a thousand words..
here's 5000..

'happyitshere.com.sg' says that my estrogen is up these few days..
well..dun wave your chocolate in front of me.

Green-eyed monster: ROARRRR!

A song about humans' nature as its RAW-est form:

"Back when I was young
Couldn't wait to grow up
Get away and get out on my own
And looking back now
Ain't it funny how
I've been trying to get back home
Yeah
When my low self-esteem needs a man-loving me
And I find me a perfect catch
Then I see my friends having wild weekends
And I don't wanna be quite so attached
Just as soon as I get what I want
I get unsatisfied
Good is good, but could be better!

Chorus:
I keep looking, I keep looking for
I keep looking for something more
I always wonder what's on the other side
Of the number two door
I keep looking
Looking for something more

Well the straight-haired girls, they all want curls
And the brunettes wanna be blonde
It's your typical thing
You've got yin, you want yang
It just goes on and on
They say, "Hey! It's only human to never be satisfied."
Well I guess that I'm as human as the next one, oh

Chorus(x1)

(Instrumental)

Yaaaaaa......

(Instrumental)

Just as soon as I get what I want
I get unsatisfied
Hey,Good is good, but could be better!

Chorus (x1)

Oh,I'm looking for something more
(I keep looking, I keep looking,I keep looking)
Yeah
(Oh I keep looking, keep looking,I keep looking)
Hey yeah
(Oh I keep looking,I keep looking,I keep looking)
I'm just looking for something more..."

This song seems to describe XXX
This discontented person XXX who keeps looking (God knows what) will always 'seems' to be finding something/someone better since the grass is always greener on the other side. However, when the novelty wears off, back to square one, miserable than before.

low self-esteem unaddressed?? Anchor on the wrong source of hope??

Do you know what you are looking for... ?

I have been a wayward child,
I have acted out,
I have questioned sovereignty,
and had my share of doubts,

And though sometimes,
my prayers feel like their bouncing off the sky,
the hand that holds won't let me go,
and is the reason why

I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved

On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved

Bitterness has plagued my heart,
many times before,
My life has been a broken glass,
and I have kept the score,
of all my shattered dreams,
and though it seemed,
that I was far too gone,
my brokenness helped me to see,
it's grace I'm standing on.

And chaos in my life,
has been a badge I've worn,
and though I have been torn,
I will not be moved

After a nap on MRT, woke up halfway and rubbed my eyes.
My right eye contact lens came out.
SIAN!

And i refused to get out of the train since
i 'chiong-ed' so hard to get a seat (ok la sounds like makcik)
and i will be late for lesson

In desperation, i put it back...swiftly and professionally
i bet nobody sees that! PRO!
hahaha..

i'm bored


Experiment 4 is a time-killer!
My lab partner told me she spend 3 hours just to tabulate the datas alone.
I thought it was a bit exaggerating. As in maybe she was multitasking or distracted while doing it. Like while plotting data she was youtub-ing, watching tv, drinking coffee,exercising,fb-ing and perhaps applying nail polish simultaneously u know that sort of thing.
Or maybe she was manually calculating the thousands of data without using the formulas in excel.

and i just plotted finish ALL my datas, ya i believe her now.
And i'm gg to START on my lab report with my datas now which i have to hand in tmr.

this song so apt to describe my feelings right now
Give me oil in my lamp,
keep me burning, burning, burning.....

oh my gosh!
I can't believe it.
The person who found my wallet called NTU to return me.

AWWWWWWW....
Thank God man!

got my allowance yesterday and
lost my wallet AGAIN.
so sian & disappointed with myself
that i go back straight away ask my mum to scold me
becoz i felt i really deserve a scolding.
And she really really really
scold with no reservations
until i really pek chek.

OBVIOUSLY reverse psychology doesn't work all the time.

Come holy spirit fall on me now
I need your anointing
Come in your power
I love you holy spirit
You're captivating my soul
And every day i grow to love you more

I'm reaching for your heart
You hold my life in your hand
Drawing me closer to you
I feel your power renew
Nothing compares to this place
Where i can see you face to face
I worship you in spirit and in truth

At a loss for words,
Felt your presence at the altar-call prayer so strongly
It is without doubt..
encouraging,heartwarming and comforting.

One thing that struck me.
Was having my lab in the morning.
Half way through, the lab technician was super furious.
"Who threw the syringes in the bin? whoever it is, You are very inconsiderate because you never spare a thought for the cleaner. Last week the auntie was injured by the syringe and her hand is swollen. Imagine the cleaner is someone whom you know or ur relative, would u not spare a thought for her ? Whoever it is, u better own up now....."

Silence.
Nobody own up.

Repeated 2,3 times.

Lab technician is impatient.
"ok so nobody wants to own up right?
then i shall deduct everybody's marks unless THAT person owns up"

Still no response.

"ok i shall give that person ONE more chance. If he/she owns up now, i will not deduct any marks from anyone. But if still no one owns up, i will then deduct everybody's marks."

Then someone in my lab group says if nobody owns up, he's just going to go up and say that it's him who did that although it's not him so that everybody can go back and since no marks will be deducted as long as someone owns up . Then some people in my group was like "oh yar hor ,why i never think of that. Quite smart." Another commented " wah so brave, sacrifice for all of us". Through all their responses, i was also thinking maybe ya that was the right thing to do to sacrifice for the team although people will sort of 'judge' you (for being SO INCONSIDERATE).

But after shortly , that culprit owns up which is from other lab group. He apologized and the lab technician also did not scold him but just reminded him not to do it again.

Then i realized sometimes in a bid 'to make things easier' or 'speed things up', we tend to use OUR own methods to do things thinking we are the HERO, in this case owning up to something we did not do and it's RIGHT because we SACRIFICE and others will be grateful for doing everyone a favour(including the culprit). But by doing that, the real culprit is deprived of a chance to be a REAL MAN to own up for his own mistake. It must also had been a REAL struggle since he needs so much reassurance from the lab technician before he finally owns up. Guess after owning up, he feels better as well.

And the so-called 'noble' person who didn't do it but wanna own up also just wanna go back home earlier and doesn't want his marks be deducted. So, is the adjective 'noble' used correctly in this case to describe the person?
And deception is involved too, to think i was nearly coaxed into thinking that was a right thing to do , just so everybody can go off earlier.

It just reminded me again ,when in doubt, always refer to the LIFE MANUAL called BIBLE to life's grey areas. It never fails.

ALPHA RETREAT TMR!
GOTTA PACK MY STUFF.....;)