chin up

Today during bible study, jess was still asking can we remb our first love for GOD?
hmm.... i need to type down in case i forget

When i was still in jc, est brought me to CCR and the first sermon by Pastor Aaron struck a chord in my heart. I heard the things i wanted to hear and the questions i had before i came to CCR was partially addressed. The Word just have this special charm enough to lure me to come week after week to hear what was it store for me to learn.Never mind if i do not know anyone in church (AWKWARD-ness!) or est 'pang-seh'(haha) me and left me ALONE to eat lunch with this group of SUPER QUIET micah gals which i had problems communicating with and have nothing in common to talk. I know they ask me for lunch out of obligation and i feel out of place as well. I know it's definitely not friendship that makes me wanna come CCR. Perhaps socialising was in fact one of the barriers preventing me from coming to church at that time. I wish i could head home straight away after each service. But still i will come for the sermons and karen's cell because practically every week i REALLY learn stuff and i was super happy AT THAT TIME.

It was called 'first love'.

Ask me about homosexuality,cohabitation,premarital sex or related stuff before i met my 'first love', i will tell you i think it's definitely fine for me and even fine for me or others to practice it, not much of a big deal--People are free to choose what they want, why must be so CONTROLLING? Well that's what the world is preaching anyway, dun be a square.

Now different and how glad i am. I dunno how i found you but i'm glad i did... ay wait i think you are the one who make me found you and had it all planned out according to ur plan..so sweeeettt:)

Then after a few years, friendship made among Micah gals starts to deepen. The 'learning' which i had been looking forward every week has also gradually come to a bottleneck. This is definitely the case since the rate of what i'm learning now will be comparatively lesser to what i was learning then. I was challenged into taking up leadership position-cell leader. Responsibility and involvement in CCR increases. More distracions.. and more doings...

The desire to know God and His word decreases and i can feel it.
The 'passionate love' fades out...
Perhaps even the main reason for coming church was out of guilt or me having to fulfill cell leaders' role to facilitate and stuff. Not so much of a STRONG desire to hear about God's Word. OR maybe it was also complaceny like 'aiya, think i hear this sermon/topic alot of times alr' or maybe 'aiya i know this la, easy to preach but hard to apply to life what', or 'ay God i have this problem, can u help me solve this and that, reveal to me! all about ME ME AND ME'

Nothing related to becoz i want to know God.

It was another round of cries and prayer that brought about the revival in stagnant of walk in christ. Roller-coaster had a whole new meaning to me because it describe my spiritual life then.

After.... i dunno what i've been thru but somehow God has helped me but can't remb coz i never journal them down out of laziness and taking things for granted ( SEE! the characteristics of forgetful Israelites)

I realised it was another stage of love
i need constant self-reminders, prayers and realization of how unworthy i was and how much God has done all these years to love Him keeping in mind that my level of love can never ever match up with the love He had for me. Yes constant reminders; well coz we are still humans with sinful nature-- complaceny comes super duper easily like how a ball will still return to the ground no matter how high u throw in the sky becoz of gravity (eg.sin) Until the day it is brought out of earth into outer space (eg heaven) when there's no more gravity. (sigh physics...)
The relationships built all over the years with Him playing many roles in my life-Father,teacher,soulmate,encourager,companion.... gives me a heartfelt gratitude for Him

You know at the start (apply to gals more?) when u are in love u need the presence and the affirmative words of the other person to remind you that he loves you.. but as you know the person more and more and how much you all had been thru, you are very secure in the r/s with all the memories (hopefully more good ones than bad ones)

Miraculously God gives the security needed in the relationship even though i can't see Him physically as His Word and Holy Spirit has without fail time and again proven His love for all and has vouch for His own promises and character.
But its easy to be back to square one again if we turn complacent.
Always realign back to him and pour out all your woes and bitterness to Him and He will restore you.

i'm super tired now but suddenly just has this urge to type this super duper long entry and tmr is a super duper long day... may the good Lord sustain the super duper tired meeee..

Recess week le!
Awwww and i'm soooo not looking forward to it because there's string attached to it.
But better than nothing la 'mai hiam'... use my super duper shorrrtt time super supper WISELYYYY!
Last Youth Alpha session tmr ... JIA YOU!
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