My third week of work.. Starting to be more comfortable with the work which is super fast paced!!
Even walking also has to be fast in the office! More at ease with colleagues and they are really funny at times.
Realize that when u realy don't hv much time, one really need to be super flexible, like blogging on my way back like now-.- if not there is forever no time to do a particular task! Tsk.. Opportunities of seed-sowing and caring for people is also AT THAT POINT IN TIME. I can't plan a free slot becoz there isn't luxury of time . But when the prompting comes, just go ahead and do it and I wouldn't feel like there's so many things I haven't do. Super out of comfort zone but yup learning learning.. I reach pasir ris mrt alr.. Yeah woohoo

It's just so scary and tiring just to think of what's not done and has to be done...
Days that u just depended on yourself and felt so depressed that you just can't wait to go heaven.
Father Lord let me find rest in You.. The living water that refresh me.
Give me the joy that I need to continue to serve you each day, living in your promises.

Having the confidence that your grace is sufficient, more than sufficient for me.

Thank you God for ur faithfulness.
I've forgiven:)
let me be recouncile to you

The test is painful but it truly shows how great u are in my life.
People may think I'm illogical but I think I hv found the joy in you amidst pain.

Clarice jiayou!
:)

I wish I could just fast-forward time and stop emoing.
Moments like these are so unbearable:'(

alright sleep sleep sleep.

My God help me in my distress!!

Withdrawal symptoms kicks in.
at different times of the day.
Coincidentally , saw my crusade frens and they ask abt him. I just told them we are not togt alr.
Awkward. I have to laugh it off.

Luckily God is gracious to me to keep my mind occupied during this time i got a job to look forward to. Think i can work 12 hours a day.. no problem. Just soak myself in the pool of work. Quite excited actually. I still left a medical check up to clear.
My boss ask me to get an english name for easy identification in my job.
My mum suggested Mary. hmmm... Mary Koe?
Suddenly just so glad that my mum didn't manage to sabo me when i was young. Must really thank my dad for this.
(No offense to all the existing Mary...Your mum still loves you loads!! :x)

How about.....
Crunchy Koe ???
haha.

Re-posting this again... a reminder for me.

Relationship dialectics

1) Autonomy/connection- desires to be separate , on the one hand and to be connected, on the other, opposition of which creates tension. Because we want to be deeply linked to others, we cherish spending time with our intimates, sharing experiences and feeling connected. At the same time , each of us needs an independent identity. We don't want relationships to swallow our individuality, so we seek distance, even from our intimates.

2) Novelty/predictability-opposition of the desire for familiar routines and desire for novelty. We like a certain amount of routine to provide security and predictability in
our lives. Yet too much routine is boring so we seek novel experience to introduce variety in customary routine.

3) Openness/closeness-desires for openness in tension with the desire for privacy. While being open and honest is desired, complete openness would be intolerable.

--Communication Mosaics


Anyway.... this sat
specs? fan tree? screaming hi-5 ? or heart?
Better read up more man!!

Thank God for the encouragement and support of awesome family and friends during this period. Even my sister called me to cheer me up ( I can't believe this!!!). Not that my sis is mean/bad but it's super very not her to do that.
Without all of u, i will be down down down down.

Fall out of love, jobless , aimless , in debt.
All happen at once.
Sleep in tears , wake up in tears , interview with tears.

Thank God for ur providence, grace and faithfulness.
:)

i know u have and will continue to see me through it all.

Love,
crunchy<3

My dad was right.
I was complacent.
God despise the complacent but exalts the humble.
It wasn't comfortable to listen because the truth is painful.

But i'm really thankful for my dad.
Sometimes u really wish people will point that out to you.
Your blind spot and weaknesses.
But if it's people who is not close who says that to me, i MIGHT be offended and feel judged because i think the person don't even know me well. However people whom you know who really cares about you and are geniunely concern about you, you know what they say is really for the best of you.
I thank all those people whom God placed in my life who geniunely cares about me.

It become a startling reminder that before i correct anyone, does the person feel love and concern from me or felt judged by me?
If it's the latter, it really does backfire as the person will be super defensive, miss the point where i'm coming from and even hates me. Bearing hatred leads to other more repercussion. Though sometimes by God's grace ultimately the person still knows u care, but that's after a long painful period of reconcilation.

Anyway the main point is,
a broken and contrite heart you will not despise.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12

Scholars everywhere through the 'networking session' after the talk.
somehow everyone is introduced by their name followed by their designation/company.

I can't really remember what all the speaker has just shared.

If there's one thing to remember..

'If you are on the wrong track, no matter how fast you run, all ur efforts are wasted'

the right track to begin well.

The foundation with the Lord is the key to guide me to make decisions that pleases Him.

Everyone is vying to jump in to industries where the big buck is.
However it is more important to know ur strengths and weaknesses. Hope I will get the job that I can truly make use of the gifts whatever God has given me and put it to good use.
(everyone definitely has his/her gifting which all plays an important role to complement one another)

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."— Albert Einstein

' God has called me to be in the full time ministry, that's why I'm in MTI ' --- Ng Ming Jie ( I hope he strongly believes in that:x)

Playing with baby nephew aven is easy, fun and enjoyable.
Until u really stay home and take care!!! ARGHHH
I really learn to love and appreciate my mum more. It's like a replay of how i see my mum take care of me when i was a baby. Those familiar old songs from her era and mimicking weird gibberish cum super act-cute sound just to pacify the baby. (Feels weird to see ur mum doing that:x) Of course i will also constantly check with my mum if there is any similarity between me and my nephew in regards to the naughty and irritating behaviors of his. To my absolute horror and disgust, there are indeed some similarities, hence i really have my hats off her and wonder how she survived taking care of 3 kids during her time.

TOP 5 irritating tasks

1)change diapers (wah this is excruciatingly smelly)and bathe aven (splash the water everywhere and on u coz too excited)
2)Getting him to sleep thru the whole night is as if u want his life man. (He cries so jialat till your neighbours all think u are abusing him)
3)preventing aven from pulling down ur specs/pushing the fan/chair that will fall on him /preventing him from putting things in the mouth/ preventing him from eating ur MSG laden food/ preventing him from touching fragile/hot/dirty things
(if only scoldings help)
4)carrying him constantly coz he will feel very insecure and cry if you leave him alone (even if u just want to pee)
5)Having ur eyes on him once his eyes are open (ALL kinds of stunts and stupid things he will do like suddenly lie backwards and hit the floor hard on his head and the next thing u know,....cover ur ears!

HOWEVER i will kind of miss him when i start working.

Miss his laughter (he smiles even u are scolding him since he is only 1 yr old)
Hugging ur leg to follow u wherever u go (so sweet but nt when u are gg to the loo)
His super loud voice ( his parents are nt from china , i still can't figure out why then). Having him wake me up in the morning.
Squeezing his super chubby cheeks and fattty thighs!

The time spent togt will be so much lesser. Awwwww

I LOVE YOU AVEN!!! :)

END OF MY POST

Disclaimer : This post is not supposed to make sense but simply to express my emotional feelings and irrational thoughts for my nephew.

Thank God for him ..a joy to my whole family!!!
Let him know and love YOU.. use him mightily :)

Sometimes , it's really not wise to participate in CERTAIN topics that even the bible scholars/critics/christians are still debating on and can't have a uniform conclusion.

So what if one seems to 'win' the discussion , it doesn't even edify anyone.

If feelings are hurt during/after the discussion , it is really SO MUCH not worth it.

So what do u want to work as?
When is your next job interview?
You having holidays now?
Are you working now?
Which company do you want to go to?
Huh? Then why do you study chemistry?

Actually there is nothing wrong with the nature of all these questions.
Everyone is concerned. I would ask too:x

But it's really annoying if everyone who meets u ask you any of the above.

Then you overhead ur sister telling ur mum:
'huh? She still looking for job?
I got a job secured even before my graduation'

Your mum nags at you every single day for not finding a job.
Your bf everyday tells u how exciting his job is (i'm happy for u really)

Not that I'm anxious for jobs but It seems everyone is reminding me
I need to get a job ASAP
Either Asians are super hardworking.
Or Qc is a lazy bum. :/
(plus results really chui can't even get interview... Arghh!!!!!)

this is not a complaining session blog post but a thanksgiving entry to give thanks to God for a job that I will get. (for whatever it is)
With full confidence that the Lord has a plan for me in advance, I hereby give thanks to you in advance and marvel at your wondrous plan for me.:)
the same Lord who brought me through my horrendous-FYP days
the same Lord who recovered my countless wallets and hps
.
.
.(countless thanks later)
the same Lord who brought the Israelites out of Egypt.
the same Lord who send His Son Jesus to die for our sins
the same Lord who loves us even though we are #*%£<£~£
the same Lord yesterday, today and forever.

Great is thy faithfulness:):):):):):)
Amen!:)
felt my burdens lifted instantaneously at this point in time.



It seems the latter is

God indeed has answers and promises for the many 'feels' we have. No wonder we must always refer to the LIFE MANUAL (BIBLE) to live out our life. This is not just some intellectual philosophy or some pathetic consoling words that human minds come up with to deceive themselves but really words that have the POWER and the ability to transform. Afterall our God is a God that doesn't look at things like how humans do but He looks into our hearts and loves us beyond what we can conceive.


Lord, I feel..(Saw this from http://encouragingbiblequotes.com/versesifeela.html)


Beaten...yet
You have made me more than a conqueror (Rom 8:37).
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us


Bound....yet
You are my deliverer (Rom 11:26).
And so all Israel will be saved, as it is written: "The deliverer will come from Zion; he will turn godlessness away from Jacob.


Confused....yet
You are my counselor (Isa 9:6).
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, [a] Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.


A failure....yet
You have made me an overcomer (1 Jn 5:4).
For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith


Fearful....yet
You did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, andof a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7).
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.


Friendless....yet
You are a friend who sticks closer to me than a brother (Prov 18:24).
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.


In darkness....yet
You are a light unto my path and a lamp unto my feet (Ps 119:105).
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.


Lonely.....yet
You promised never to leave me nor forsake me (Heb 13:5).
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you;never will I forsake you."


Misjudged....yet
I'm accepted and approved by You (Eph 1:4).
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love


Poor....yet
You supply all my need according to Your riches in glory (Phil 4:19).
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.


Sick....yet
You are the Lord who heals all my diseases (Ps 103:3).
…who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,


Troubled....yet
You are my peace (Jn 14:27).
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you asthe world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.


Unclean....yet
You are the purifier and refiner of my life (Mal 3:3).
He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify theLevites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will havemen who will bring offerings in righteousness,


Vulnerable....yet
You are my strength and my strong tower (Ps 18:2).
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.


Worthless....yet
You see me as a pearl of great price (Matt 13:46).
When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


For Each Negative Thing We Say to Ourselves,God Has A Positive Answer For It.



You say: "It's impossible"
God says: "All things are possible" (Luke 18:27)
Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."


You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: "I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28-30)
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.


You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: "I love you" (John 3:16 & John 13:34)
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: "I will direct your steps" (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.


You say: "I can't do it"
God says: "You can do all things" (Philippians 4:13)
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.


You say: "I'm not able"
God says: "I am able" (II Corinthians 9:8)
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all thingsat all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every goodwork.


You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: "It will be worth it" (Romans 8:28)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.


You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: "I FORGIVE YOU" (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: "I will supply all your needs" (Philippians 4:19)
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.


You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: "I have not given you a spirit of fear" (2Timothy 1:7)
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.


You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: "Cast all your cares on ME" (I Peter 5:7)
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.


You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: "I've given everyone a measure of faith" (Romans 12:3)
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.


You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: "I give you wisdom" (I Corinthians 1:30)
It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for uswisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.


You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: "I will never leave you or forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A few more days to my report submission and exam.
I can finally cease to be anti-social and come out from my ntu cave SOON
I'm rushing like mad.
like mad.
mad.

CAN'T WAIT!!!!

:)

Today is eventful.
The time of the month has come plus a little of food poisoning(after eating tiong food?) ok i better stop being so biased against the tiongs. We got to love ALL people.

Anyway the pain was excruciating.
I laosai, vomitted twice and almost fainted in hall toilet.

I was bathing after the mess (vomit + laosai). Then suddenly i felt like fainting because my stomach was really painful, my eyes could only see 2 colours.
Praying like mad because I know if i faint in hall nobody will know since i never even talk to my roomie and my parents wouldn't call me. Matt also won't know where i go.
And if i will to faint and discovered NAKED, that is even worse.

"NTU undergraduate fainted in cubicle while showering and discovered NAKED N days later"

I can already imagined the news headline.
I struggled with all my willpower and unceasing prayer to wear my clothes though i think i haven't bathe finish (some soap here and there) just to chiong out of the cubicle PROPERLY DRESSED. Even if i have to faint, must faint in a more glamorous way.

Taxi doesn't even accept nets because jurong point is too near my school.
I WALKED to jurong point.
Sway part is all clinics in jurong point are closed.
Don't fall sick on a public holiday.
I only recovered after vomitting a second time.

The rest is history.
But really thank God, if it happens on next mon which falls on my exam date, my paper confirm GG.

:)
Take care of health everyone.

It's been long since i really slept so long and felt fully relaxed and charged for the final week ahead to study and chiong report.
Great :)

Felt Refreshed!

Really thank God for the people around me.

it's just 2 weeks away.
my prof is not giving us back the final paper.
I have a very STRONG feeling i failed that terribly.

I really have no motivation to study manz.
It's like u run 2.4kmm then left 100 metres more to go but i started strolling and can't be bothered to run, leaving the time mercilessly ticking pass.

I can take my own sweet time to walk.
The rule is if u failed ur 2.4km, u need to re-run it again.

OK MAYBE that motivates me to RUN.

GOD help me and give me the passion to SPRINT!
(never mind the short legs)

'Surely he (Jesus) took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.'

Isaiah 53:4-5

A love that human mind cannot conceive because it can only come from God Himself.

If there's a chance to see all your non-believers relatives singing amazing grace and hearing the sermon that speaks of God's love, it can only happened in my grandpa's christian funeral.
I was tearing, not just about the grieving part because he(grandpa) has definitely gone to a better place than i'm now. But i was really touched by the scene. The love and opportunity of seed-sowing displayed.

The burden that many had not yet know Him but at the same time knowing He has a wonderful plan and in control warms and comfort my heart deeply. I couldn't help but pray....

My grandfather had difficulty breathing in the afternoon while i was in lab.
the sadness only creeps in now after i called my mum to know that he passed away.

10.42pm now. I hope u are at a great place now with heavenly Father. No more pain, suffering and sorrows.

Very tired now. i need to wake up early tmr.

good nite world.

'I'm a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tmr. A wave tossed in the ocean. A vapor in the wind. Still u hear me when i'm calling. Lord, u catch me when i'm falling. You told me who i am. I'm yours.'

The Lord who gives peace in the midst of all. I'm glad I find my way back to you.
Your stubborn kid

In the lab grumbling with my lab mates again. Haix this kind of lamenting and pessimism all day long is bad. I better stop it, not healthy spiritually and definitely not what I want actually..

The learning lab just called me. I screwed up the phone interview but it's ok with every interview that comes, it will equip me better in the future man.

I just shifted in to my hall 2 days back. My roomie is quiet and a nice person:). How do I know? Our conversation goes like this 'hey I'm back!' , roomie turn and smile at me. 'yo I'm gg to bathe now'. Roomie turn and smile. Roomie says, 'i'm going to switch off the lights alr u ok?' me turned to her and say, 'ya sure!'.. Haha typical conversation. I felt like I got 3 & a half hour extra each day becoz I stayed in hall. Rocks totally.But there I go, squandering every single second mercilessly online haha. Otaku, yes that's the word to describe me now.

Matt is still in his lab now my goodness. Chemical engineering sucks too even though my course sucks as well. Ok I catch myself complain again. If I live in OT days during Moses' day would hv been struck down by lightning. Complain complain complain

Random thoughts : J. Lo.. The noisy ex roomie, Janice loh where uuuu haha!
I miss Matty!!! So near yet so far.I think baby aven forgets me alr. Arghh sad:( he can forget his mother , what more me. I shall go back and pinch his cheeks.Howwww my lab expt is killing me each day. No results. I just want to graduate. Very sick of it. Repeating day by day. Meaningless.I want to eat sashimi.Sashimi buffet Nowwwww.I miss hanging out with people that I used to.Meet my prof tmr again. I can alr anticipate what he's gg to say tmr. 'good good, try again'. If only he doesn't say this to everyone.I want to read the bible. To hear God and listen to Him. The rebellious me.

Long story.
Good night world!
K.O

Crunch iPhone

Laughter to relieve stress?
HaahahahahahahahahahHahahhahaAhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
if it works?

Actually nope

dun try

Tonight it struck me again.
If I REALLY know who my God is, I wouldn't be so faithless

Bimbotic fears
inadequacy
'square' thinking
subjected to pressure around

I'm procrastinating the process
but it's time to get out of comfort zone.( how old am I? Still talking abt comfort zone talk)
Rewiring and renewing of mind

the battle within nobody understands
but it's ok everyone has their own to fight

source of hope?
Christ has alr won the battle of life

1am
:)

One whole day of labwork wasted..

Got no one to ask and my mentor is overseas

And time is passing fast to meet deadlines

exasperated!


And finally got one fierce but nice graduate student( I dun know how does fierce and nice goes togt but he's indeed both)
In that sense he can one moment raise his voice at me and the other moment TRYing to tell jokes.
I usually can't catch it on time as I can't differentiate whether isit a joke or suan.-.-'..
And that makes me more stress coz if I din laugh at his jokes on time the atmosphere will be tense coz only two of us in the lab.
This is really a skill to learn ' how to laugh immediately after someone scolds u'.

ok abt the helpful part( to comfort myself so I can go back to lab tmr happier than today)
I really learn ALOT from him that my mentor din teach or assume I know when I know nuts abt it.
An independent environment has its prices to pay..
Ask too much qns they say u too dependent and black face ask me read more journals, dun ask qns I jialat coz I really know nothing coz too technical

But this graduate student really zai..thank God for him. My mentor MIA-ing
Hope I can survive thru this humbling experience.
Be more THICK-SKIN and learn MORE, MORE , MORE
^^ YAY