I wish I could just fast-forward time and stop emoing.
Moments like these are so unbearable:'(

alright sleep sleep sleep.

My God help me in my distress!!

Withdrawal symptoms kicks in.
at different times of the day.
Coincidentally , saw my crusade frens and they ask abt him. I just told them we are not togt alr.
Awkward. I have to laugh it off.

Luckily God is gracious to me to keep my mind occupied during this time i got a job to look forward to. Think i can work 12 hours a day.. no problem. Just soak myself in the pool of work. Quite excited actually. I still left a medical check up to clear.
My boss ask me to get an english name for easy identification in my job.
My mum suggested Mary. hmmm... Mary Koe?
Suddenly just so glad that my mum didn't manage to sabo me when i was young. Must really thank my dad for this.
(No offense to all the existing Mary...Your mum still loves you loads!! :x)

How about.....
Crunchy Koe ???
haha.

Re-posting this again... a reminder for me.

Relationship dialectics

1) Autonomy/connection- desires to be separate , on the one hand and to be connected, on the other, opposition of which creates tension. Because we want to be deeply linked to others, we cherish spending time with our intimates, sharing experiences and feeling connected. At the same time , each of us needs an independent identity. We don't want relationships to swallow our individuality, so we seek distance, even from our intimates.

2) Novelty/predictability-opposition of the desire for familiar routines and desire for novelty. We like a certain amount of routine to provide security and predictability in
our lives. Yet too much routine is boring so we seek novel experience to introduce variety in customary routine.

3) Openness/closeness-desires for openness in tension with the desire for privacy. While being open and honest is desired, complete openness would be intolerable.

--Communication Mosaics


Anyway.... this sat
specs? fan tree? screaming hi-5 ? or heart?
Better read up more man!!

Thank God for the encouragement and support of awesome family and friends during this period. Even my sister called me to cheer me up ( I can't believe this!!!). Not that my sis is mean/bad but it's super very not her to do that.
Without all of u, i will be down down down down.

Fall out of love, jobless , aimless , in debt.
All happen at once.
Sleep in tears , wake up in tears , interview with tears.

Thank God for ur providence, grace and faithfulness.
:)

i know u have and will continue to see me through it all.

Love,
crunchy<3

My dad was right.
I was complacent.
God despise the complacent but exalts the humble.
It wasn't comfortable to listen because the truth is painful.

But i'm really thankful for my dad.
Sometimes u really wish people will point that out to you.
Your blind spot and weaknesses.
But if it's people who is not close who says that to me, i MIGHT be offended and feel judged because i think the person don't even know me well. However people whom you know who really cares about you and are geniunely concern about you, you know what they say is really for the best of you.
I thank all those people whom God placed in my life who geniunely cares about me.

It become a startling reminder that before i correct anyone, does the person feel love and concern from me or felt judged by me?
If it's the latter, it really does backfire as the person will be super defensive, miss the point where i'm coming from and even hates me. Bearing hatred leads to other more repercussion. Though sometimes by God's grace ultimately the person still knows u care, but that's after a long painful period of reconcilation.

Anyway the main point is,
a broken and contrite heart you will not despise.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12